Grace Finding Me

A few days after Eden was born, I started feeling anxious, maybe even a bit desperate. I just didn't know how I was going to be able to handle a newborn and my two wonderful and highly energetic boys. I think my breathing and heartbeat might have even gotten faster. But then I had this thought. Instead of just taking it a day at a time, because I am not sure I can even handle day, I was going to look for one God given grace at a time. With the plan to open my eyes and look for grace, my anxiety disappeared like clouds after a rainstorm.

Eden is now almost four weeks old, and she has pretty severe reflux (we think). There is a lot of squirming, crying, fussing, screaming, spitting, coughing on her part, and a lot of headaches, questions, aching backs, tired eyes and arms, and just wishing it all away on our part. It can be overwhelming. So today Eden and I were back at the doctor because her prescribed medicine was not doing the trick. I teared up on the way there. I am just so tired. I wasn't looking for the grace blessings. They clearly found me. Our usual doctor wasn't there today, so I had to see a new one. It turned out being the pediatrician who first looked at Eden in the hospital. She was a familiar face, an understanding nod, an unhurried answer giver. I needed that.

So now we are waiting for a stronger reflux medicine to be filled. I am praying this does the trick, and my baby girl starts to feel a lot better soon. In the meantime, I am thankful that God knows what I need, even when I am too tired to even know it myself. 

Sleeping Beauty

taken by www.bellababyphotography.com

EDEN

So It Begins...

Max's name was drawn at the school lottery, which means that he will be attending this amazing charter school, starting sometime in August. Multiple forms arrived this week, and I am pleased to say that I am not freaking out. Rather, I am excited for him, and all of the learning opportunities he is going to receive. 

However, reality is starting to sink in. 

I won't have my boy around me 24/7.

I am going to miss him. 

A lot.

And I am amazed that I am now a school mom. 

Where have the last 5 years gone?

Well, one thing I know. Regardless of how educated he becomes, how big his muscles are, if he actually does become a ninja or not, he will always be my baby.

When the Transmission Goes Out on Your New Van

Funny how that happens. You attend a Bible study all fall about giving anxiety to God, and being content with your portion. You see passages on anxiety and God’s love all over the Bible, and you are overwhelmed with a deep peace. You study the book of John and for the first time ever, Jesus the compassionate jumps off the pages, and it is if he were washing your feet. You even go on to teach a retreat of high school girls about resting in the peace of God, and casting your cares on him.

Funny how that happens. You plan and save, and make as informed of a decision as you possibly can. You put 2000 miles on your new-to-you van, and the transmission starts to slip. You know that means money you don’t have.

So you wrestle and try to stop nibbling your lip while remembering the Jesus bent, washing your feet. And there is a battle for your mind and your heart and your allegiance. And there is anger and there are questions that make it nearly impossible for the healing water to wash away the dirt of that day. And there is the verse written and placed by the window sink a few days prior,
   
    “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1)

How do you dwell in the shelter of God when you can’t stop dwelling on your need? A new transmission, a baby six weeks away from arrival, nursing school fees to be paid, and regular bills.

But there is that invitation in Matthew 11:28,

    “Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”

How do you dwell in his shelter?

First just come (even if you were just there with the same burden two minutes ago).

Then remember that he cares for you, regardless of how you feel. List his faithfulness of the past to you and to others. Psalm 91:4 says that God’s faithfulness is a protective barrier between you and everything uncertain and certain headed your way.
Isaiah 41:10 says that you don’t have to be afraid because your God will give you the strength and the courage to meet all that is coming because he is your ally who will not let go.

Finally, throw those burdens on God (again), and he will give you rest, and you will dwell in his shelter.

Funny how that happens. A question and an honest answer between two members of the body of Christ on a Sunday morning. Then there is a check written to lift some weight of the transmission bill. God’s faithfulness.

Funny how that happens. A Monday morning with burdens once cast away, now weighing heavily down upon your shoulders again. A child complaining of his ear hurting. You take a light and shine it in the tiny dark passage and see a blue tube surrounded by wax. A blue tube you would otherwise not be able to see fall out because of how small it is. A blue tube that has prevented ear infections for over two years. A blue tube that you could not afford, and yet your heavenly parent provided every cent needed plus more. A blue tube visible. Today. On the day you think you might be losing the battle. God’s faithfulness.

Funny how that happens. You attend a Bible study all fall about giving anxiety to God, and being content with your portion. You see passages on anxiety and God’s love all over the Bible, and you are overwhelmed with a deep peace. You study the book of John and for the first time ever, Jesus the compassionate jumps off the pages, and it is if he were washing your feet. You even go on to teach a retreat of high school girls about resting in the peace of God, and casting your cares on him.
For the last eight months you have been equipped for this battle. God’s faithfulness.

I can rest with a thankful heart.

And when I start to nibble my lip and crumble under the weight of the burden I stubbornly and absentmindedly take back up, I will come again and again and again until I am back in the shelter and the arms of my Abba.

Easter 2010-2013

Easter 2010

Easter 2011

Easter 2012 (No idea where the picture is from the Easter Egg Hunt)

Easter 2013

Sick Days and Spring Cleaning

 A sick boy + spring cleaning (motivated by an early nesting instinct) = a trip to Goodwill

 To make room for this little girl.

Baby Girl is now 25 weeks. Only 15 more weeks to go. WHAT?!!!!!

Joey and I have decided to keep her name a secret just because we want to. However, I can tell you that Max has decided that he will be calling her either Sissi or Ruby.