There is nothing that makes you feel more inadequate when your child asks you a question, and you don't really know how to answer it. I am not talking about silly questions. Rather, the questions Joey and I are having to answer recently are about death. Max has a lot of questions, and I find it heart breaking that I have to try to explain death to him. It has left me flailing for God, and asking him to do the work in my son. It is so hard as a mother to let go, but that is what I have to do because I am way over my head.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
When they ask...
There is nothing that makes you feel more inadequate when your child asks you a question, and you don't really know how to answer it. I am not talking about silly questions. Rather, the questions Joey and I are having to answer recently are about death. Max has a lot of questions, and I find it heart breaking that I have to try to explain death to him. It has left me flailing for God, and asking him to do the work in my son. It is so hard as a mother to let go, but that is what I have to do because I am way over my head.
Lent- Test me and know my anxious thoughts
I have been told that the sign of good Hebrew literature was to be able to say the same thing twice but in different ways. This happens a lot in the Psalms. I believe David is in this line of the Psalm getting at the same point he was trying to make in the previous one. In it he uses more imagery, again to show the extent of the searching and testing.
Test- examine, try, prove, assay.
What I thought was interesting here was that "test" is the primary root for "watchtower." The type of watchtower is not the kind you might find on a fortress, but rather one that is built on top of a hill. When I think of this kind of watchtower, I am forced to think that their purpose was to give people in the cities plenty of warning of incoming danger. A tower on a mountain has a great overview of the situation of the land. Could it be that David was asking God to take a survey of his inner land and state and give him plenty of warning of incoming danger? I think that is quite possible.
Know- is the same as in "know my heart"
Anxious Thoughts- these two words cannot be separated. They appear to be one word in the Hebrew. There is actually some uncertainty about them. A footnote search in my NIV Study Bible led me to a note about the soul. It is my belief that "thoughts" could be related to soul. The note says that soul is not the spiritual vs. the physical man or even the inner man in distinction to the outer man. Rather, it is "his very self as a living, conscious, personal being." A German translation, says "know my desires and thoughts." Don't desires, anxieties and the like make up a lot of who we are as people?
So maybe in today's words, this verse could be paraphrased as, "Lord, take your satellite and survey my landscape, looking at it all and even zooming in to the details. Know all of me. Know my wishes, desires and what disquiets me and makes me nervous."
Test- examine, try, prove, assay.
What I thought was interesting here was that "test" is the primary root for "watchtower." The type of watchtower is not the kind you might find on a fortress, but rather one that is built on top of a hill. When I think of this kind of watchtower, I am forced to think that their purpose was to give people in the cities plenty of warning of incoming danger. A tower on a mountain has a great overview of the situation of the land. Could it be that David was asking God to take a survey of his inner land and state and give him plenty of warning of incoming danger? I think that is quite possible.
Know- is the same as in "know my heart"
Anxious Thoughts- these two words cannot be separated. They appear to be one word in the Hebrew. There is actually some uncertainty about them. A footnote search in my NIV Study Bible led me to a note about the soul. It is my belief that "thoughts" could be related to soul. The note says that soul is not the spiritual vs. the physical man or even the inner man in distinction to the outer man. Rather, it is "his very self as a living, conscious, personal being." A German translation, says "know my desires and thoughts." Don't desires, anxieties and the like make up a lot of who we are as people?
So maybe in today's words, this verse could be paraphrased as, "Lord, take your satellite and survey my landscape, looking at it all and even zooming in to the details. Know all of me. Know my wishes, desires and what disquiets me and makes me nervous."
I need the Lord to do this in me because there are a lot of desires and a lot of anxieties. Headlines nowadays are very disturbing, and I wonder what is going to happen. I wonder what Joey and my next steps are. We have goals, desires and wishes. Somehow I don't think that this testing by God that David is talking about is only so God can find hidden sins and deep dark secrets. I think that this testing by God also brings comfort and peace to those whose hearts are open to God. Knowing that God knows what makes me nervous and what I desire helps me to trust him more. I don't have to drop subtle hints so he knows how to take care of me.
He knows.
He knows.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Lent- Know my Heart
Do you have one of those friends who has been with you through it all? Maybe you have a friend who has seen your absolute worst and your absolute best. If you can still call them your friend, you are blessed. I can think of three women in my life who have done just that for me. I consider them my sisters.
Do you remember what it was like moving in with your roommate at college? Or better yet, moving in with your husband? (Living with a man is very different than a female roomie.) They smell your dirty socks. Sometimes they'll even wash them for you (need I mention underwear?). They see how sloppy or neat you are. They know how well you cook. They know if you snore or talk in your sleep. They know how long you take in the bathroom in the morning. They have seen all of you. Your husband knows all of you; every curve, dimple and ticklish spot.
David writes, "Know my heart." This is the kind of knowing he is talking about. He has already asked God to search him. Searching and knowing are similar, but knowing gets a lot more personal. Knowing involves emotion and vulnerability. Knowing, for me at least, includes wondering what the other person is going to do or think when they have completed the search.
So David wants God to know his heart. If you don't dive into what David meant by "heart," you miss the gravity of his request. "Heart" can be translated as anger, conscientiousness, courage, desire, intelligence and purpose. Someone said (and I don't remember who) "It is the center of the human spirit, from which springs emotions, thought, motivation, courage and action." David is asking God to go into the areas that can be very dirty and touchy.
It is no wonder that the writer of Proverbs said, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4, 23).
Through this study and other input, God is going into those places in me right now. I can't say that it is pleasant, but I am at peace. I know that I am in good hands. I know that he can handle my doubts.
Do you remember what it was like moving in with your roommate at college? Or better yet, moving in with your husband? (Living with a man is very different than a female roomie.) They smell your dirty socks. Sometimes they'll even wash them for you (need I mention underwear?). They see how sloppy or neat you are. They know how well you cook. They know if you snore or talk in your sleep. They know how long you take in the bathroom in the morning. They have seen all of you. Your husband knows all of you; every curve, dimple and ticklish spot.
David writes, "Know my heart." This is the kind of knowing he is talking about. He has already asked God to search him. Searching and knowing are similar, but knowing gets a lot more personal. Knowing involves emotion and vulnerability. Knowing, for me at least, includes wondering what the other person is going to do or think when they have completed the search.
So David wants God to know his heart. If you don't dive into what David meant by "heart," you miss the gravity of his request. "Heart" can be translated as anger, conscientiousness, courage, desire, intelligence and purpose. Someone said (and I don't remember who) "It is the center of the human spirit, from which springs emotions, thought, motivation, courage and action." David is asking God to go into the areas that can be very dirty and touchy.
It is no wonder that the writer of Proverbs said, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4, 23).
Through this study and other input, God is going into those places in me right now. I can't say that it is pleasant, but I am at peace. I know that I am in good hands. I know that he can handle my doubts.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lent- O God
The meaning of God here is related to the root for strength and mighty. Some words that illustrate the kind of strength would be a political chief, a strong ram, an oak or other strong tree and a pilaster (a strong support.)
When going through the uses of this form of God in the Old Testament, it struck me that there were many different adjectives and descriptions used to show some of his character. Some of them are jealous, greatly to be feared, the avenger, not a man that he should lie. Others are most high, everlasting, healer, source of life, merciful, faithful, great, living, rock, full of compassion; the God who sees; the God of truth without iniquity, of knowledge; God is with us; the heavens declare the glory of God. This form of God is even used in the Psalm Jesus quotes as he is on the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Ps. 22)
God is to be feared. He is jealous. He is strong. Yet his strength does not weaken in his compassion for us and protection over us.
So when I pray the beginning of David's prayer, "Search me, o God," I can be confident that I am exposing myself to a strong God. A God, who in the words of Mr. Beaver in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is not safe, but good.
When going through the uses of this form of God in the Old Testament, it struck me that there were many different adjectives and descriptions used to show some of his character. Some of them are jealous, greatly to be feared, the avenger, not a man that he should lie. Others are most high, everlasting, healer, source of life, merciful, faithful, great, living, rock, full of compassion; the God who sees; the God of truth without iniquity, of knowledge; God is with us; the heavens declare the glory of God. This form of God is even used in the Psalm Jesus quotes as he is on the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Ps. 22)
God is to be feared. He is jealous. He is strong. Yet his strength does not weaken in his compassion for us and protection over us.
So when I pray the beginning of David's prayer, "Search me, o God," I can be confident that I am exposing myself to a strong God. A God, who in the words of Mr. Beaver in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is not safe, but good.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Lent- Search Me
Search me
This term is often used when asking spies to get info on land or enemies. I am not a specialist, but I am assuming that a spy would try to get as much detailed of information as possible so that the right plan of action could be made for the attackers. My guess is that as a spy nothing is insignificant.
The Hebrew word for "search" can also be translated as follows:
1. taste - it is used in the context of wine tasting. This art has a lot to do with identifying subtle flavors.
2. see through- search is translated this way in Proverbs on a few occasions, and what it means in its context is to see past the outer mask and self-deception.
3. probe - to take an honest look at oneself
4. ponder- this translation appears quite often in Job. It has to do with listening very carefully to another person's arguments.
5. make search- Ezekiel 39:14 "...special crews will be appointed to search the land for any skeletons and to bury them, so the land will be made clean again."
6. investigate a case (used in Job)
7. ascertain- to be counted and known.
When David is asking God to search him, he is not asking for a quick run through to see if anything pops up. Rather, David is asking for a deep and thorough search; a turning on of lights in the entire house so that there are no shadows; a going through of the search machines at the airport that take nude pictures of you; a tasting of every flavor of you. When God searches like this, nothing is hidden. It is all out on the table. Or when thinking about the women caught in adultery, all of her and who she is, is naked out in the streets waiting to be condemned.
The season of Lent is a set time of year when I can say, "Here I am. Search me." And to be honest, it makes me nervous.
Thankfully, Lent ushers in Easter, and Easter makes the ending of the story of the adulterous woman possible:
"Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, 'Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?' 'No, Lord,' she said. And Jesus said, 'Neither do I. Go and sin no more.'"
Lent- Psalm 139:23-24
We are in the middle of Lent. I have actually been looking forward to it for a while. There is something wonderful about giving something up for a period of time. But that is all what Lent has been for me since I have started observing it. Usually I give up something like sugar. This year I decided it was time to give up Facebook.
But Lent is more than giving something up. Lent, like Advent, is a time of reflection. Lent is a time to reflect on the state of man; that we are but dust. It is a time of putting one's heart in the hand of the Lord, and letting him do the work he wants to do. Giving up something is a way of removing distractions.
I received a laminated card at a lady's Lent retreat that has Psalm 139:23-24 written on it. I know the verses, so I quickly read over them; not really letting their meaning sink in.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
A few days ago, I realized that this is really part of what Lent is all about. In an effort to really understand the heart of David, I am doing a study of the words.
Feel free to join me.
But Lent is more than giving something up. Lent, like Advent, is a time of reflection. Lent is a time to reflect on the state of man; that we are but dust. It is a time of putting one's heart in the hand of the Lord, and letting him do the work he wants to do. Giving up something is a way of removing distractions.
I received a laminated card at a lady's Lent retreat that has Psalm 139:23-24 written on it. I know the verses, so I quickly read over them; not really letting their meaning sink in.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
A few days ago, I realized that this is really part of what Lent is all about. In an effort to really understand the heart of David, I am doing a study of the words.
Feel free to join me.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Will's Ears
Can't say I have seen this smile in a while. Ever since Will's birthday, he has been sick off and on. The latest developments are that after being off of his antibiotics for 3 days, Will got sick again. I was hoping that it was maybe only his teeth, but after a very cranky Thursday, and sadder night, I knew it was time to get him looked at again. Sure enough, both ears are infected again. That sealed the deal for me, so I scheduled Will's surgery for tubes for April 1. To prevent any further infection until then, the poor little guy will be on a smaller dose of antibiotics. I really don't like the idea of him being on them for so long, but at this point I need to trust my doctors. Hopefully these will be the last meds for a while.I am very thankful that I have the option to take Will to the doctor. It hurts my heart to see him as sick as he is. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a sick child and not be able to find care for him/her.
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