Counting to 1000 in a Year

I am taking part in a dare. It is a dare to count 1000 things you are thankful for in one year. I have previously posted some of my list, but am now planning on doing that again every Monday.
Well is is June, the sixth month of the year, and the joy dare is going very well. I found it very fitting that I reached #500 on our anniversary.

The list for today:

528) Humidifiers
529) Will sleepily coming into our room shortly before six this morning, wanting to play with play dough
530) Will going back to bed
531) Will spending almost the entire morning playing with play dough
532) Kisses from Katie
533) Clubhouse Jr. in the mail
534) A book in the mail
535) Joey cleaning the kitchen for me this morning before I even got up
536) Hugs from Max
537) The anticipation of getting to see Jules

Play Dough Recipe

 This is certainly not something unique, but I thought I would post the play dough recipe my mom used when I was little. I have some cleaning I need to do today, and I don't want the boys losing anymore brain cells  to another episode of the 1981 Spiderman cartoon. So thankfully, the ingredients to this recipe are usually on hand.

1 cup of flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cream of tartar
1 cup of water mixed with 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
(several drops of food coloring if you want to make different colors)

Mix the dry ingredients in a sauce pan.
Add the wet ingredients and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until elastic. (Btw, this is a great arm and shoulder workout!!)
Remove from pan and allow to cool before play.
Store in a tupperware or a zip-lock. 

So there you go. The boys are still playing with the play dough, so maybe I'll get some cleaning done even though I used some time to post this.

Thanks for the recipe, Mom!

(taken in 1983 when the Spiderman cartoon was probably still going strong, and I was old enough to sink my fingers into some homemade play dough)

On Being Vulnerable

Vulnerability is a problem for me. Sometimes I call it being reserved. Sometimes I call it being “quick to listen and slow to speak,” and pat myself on the back for it. Sometimes I call it “Augen zu und durch,” which translated means something to effect of, “close your eyes and get through it."

But what is it really? It is fear. Fear of not being heard. Fear of being looked down upon. Fear of hurting too bad when it comes time to say goodbye to someone you trust.
I would have said up until a few days ago that I can be vulnerable in certain small groups that I go to. But what really happens is this:
We talk. Sometimes I hurt so deep within about something, that I know if I open up, it will all come flooding out of my eyes (and yes, my nose, too!). So I don’t open up.
Other times, I open up and just spew all over the other ladies. Hurt and frustration come pouring out all over them because I have not talked in so long.
In the first case, I am not vulnerable because I am not sharing struggles or joys with them. Silence is my guard, but I miss out on meaningful and even healing conversation. In the second case, I am not really being vulnerable in a way that will help grow a relationship, because all I needed at the time was to get something off of my chest.

I am in a season of life, in which all of my closest friends do not live close to me. The only one that remains in Columbia is moving away. So I am left in Columbia, the city I have lived in for 11 years, and feel like a stranger. I have not cultivated friendships here as well as I could have because I have not put in the effort, and have not wanted to be vulnerable.

So, here I am saying that I will no longer be isolated in my house or in my head. I will take the calculated risk of being vulnerable with people I believe I can trust. In the end, I hope to be a trustworthy friend. A friend who is vulnerable and who gives and receives freely.

I'm Learning...

... to focus less on my personal sacrifices and more on the Savior, the perfect sacrifice.

Why?

Because he knows the tears, the exhaustion, the wanting to be alone, and the deepest form of sacrifice- the giving of his life.

Because I can afford to. When who I am rests in the sacrifice of Christ, I am free to live a life not measured by applause, blog comments or perfection.

Because I am then free to look past myself.

Because I am then free to love deeply and purely.

Happy Father's Day

I'm not sure who had more fun.

The God of Peace

Tonight the boys were hyper and utterly exhausted. There were tears in the tub on multiple occasions that would be shortly followed by laughter. Max hit his back pretty hard on the faucet as he was getting out of the tub, so even after an ice pack, a band-aid (even though he wasn’t bleeding) and some pain reliever, he is still groaning in his bed. I am not quite sure if it is still hurting him, or if he is just milking the injury so he doesn’t have to sleep.

William has been weepy this evening, and he hurt himself as well. After songs, prayers, another run to the potty, and getting water for both, I finally made it out of their room. A few minutes later, Will started crying uncontrollably.
     “What do you need, Will?” I asked.
     “I need you!” was his reply.
So I knelt beside his bed, rubbed his legs and started praying in a whisper over him. For the first time, I then started whispering scripture to him. God’s words washed over him, and soothed his weary little spirit. Is he sleeping yet? No. Actually he is trying to start a conversation with his brother, who is getting very annoyed. But I did see a change in him, a peace that came over him while I spoke God’s love letter to him.

In Philippians 4:8-9, Paul says,

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Maybe part of my job as a mother is to intentionally direct the thoughts of my children to things that are true, noble, right, etc. What result can I expect? The God of peace will be with me and with my children. Seeing Will calm and relax tonight was seeing God soothe my boy with the lullaby of his love.

He was there.

Evening Sun on a Winter Day

This was taken in December (as the sun was setting), but I decided to post it cause it is just too cute to be stored away on the hard drive.